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personality of .
May. 9th, 2018 08:08 pmAt the core of Saki's character is a dilemma the kind worth mentioning right off the bat: Saki is not human. She is an alien from the Moon. As such, she was not born with some common human norms. Most notably, Saki Shiroyume was born without emotions.
Moon People are considered to be the origins of humans, though that fact is still debated among some. What if important to note is the undeniable relationship between them: Moon People are perfect human... If by perfect you mean 'hallow shells that can do no wrong, or right, or anything.' At Saki's core, her heart should not know happiness or unhappiness, hate or love, peace or war. Even to this day, she struggles with this fact: Her perfect Moon heart simply was not born with the capacity for emotion. It was born to be as empty as possible... and as perfect as possible.
This changed for Saki when she fell to Earth. Earth is filled with the sin of Emotion. On Earth, Saki was exposed not just to sins but to virtues. The potions she takes from Moon Rabbits are meant to soften the blow and dampen the emotional onslaught, making it something that she can deal with. Otherwise, Saki gets overwhelmed by her emotions and loses her head. She does not know how to deal with big emotions in a healthy manner, so guzzles her potions to wash them away.
But that coping mechanism has been taken from her. Part of Saki's imprisonment is meant to force her to learn to live her new life without help. Though this Saki has had two years to adjust, she still isn't perfectly ready to handle her own heart.
Which means two major things for Saki's personality: On one hand, she is still experimenting with who she is and who she wants to be. Her emotions somethings come as alien and fake as she navigates her fallen heart.
On the other hand, she has horrible emotional outbursts that she often cannot control. So Saki treads a line between being so controlled she comes off as artificial, and an out of control child on a tantrum.
Starting with her artificial side, Saki is motivated to be a perfect person. She still has not let got of this notion of going to the Moon again, even when adapting to her human heart basically shuts that door for her. She wants to be a good girl and gain approval. Saki is a hardworking girl who strives to be the best at everything she approaches. She wants to be 'perfect' like a Moon Person should be.
This drove Saki to run for student council in her first year and to push herself to excel at all her hobbies. Saki doesn't realize it consciously, but she tries to avoid things that she doesn't think she can do perfectly. If she fails, Saki obsesses and gets distressed until someone approves of her efforts. Her hope to someday go home is wasted, but still drives her to try.
One way that she thinks she is achieving perfection is by always smiling. You might think that someone who didn't have emotionless would default to deadpan, but Saki defaults to a sunny smile. Often, her smile is an authentic display of how much she enjoys living... But sometimes, it does seem inappropriate for a situation or simply come off as alien. Likewise, her smiles can express her anger or sadness just as easily as they display sadness. When Saki feels a strong feeling coming on, she will throw up her smile because she knows smiling = good. She does not want to display negative emotions.
Negative emotions stress Saki out... Well, they stress anyone out. But Saki especially. She knows that she has a record of exploding and being an emotional, and dangerous, mess. She is always looking for methods to manage her emotions, like the potions or meditation. That doesn't mean Saki has actually found a way to truly handle herself. Saki's only trusted tactic is to smile, because she's really good at that, until she can escape to somewhere safe.
Safe used to mean being alone, where she could not hurt anyone while she screamed or cried. In her new high school days, 'Safe' also meant being with her best friend Akane. Saki does see humans are her "emotional-senpais," but finds that shameful. Akane made the list because he knows all about her problems and has his own problems with his temper. Saki doesn't feel like she has to compete to be 'perfect' around him, making him a safe person to vent with.
Despite her obsession with being perfect herself, Saki is oddly attracted to imperfect things. If she really likes you, she is accidentally insulting you. Saki treasures a broken tea cup, for example, or a skirt that has a slight tear on it. Anything she perceives as perfect she also perceives as a challenge. It's exhausting. Whether she's trying to keep up with another person's 'perfect' kindness, or be worth the nice clothing she is wearing, Saki subconsciously competes. She knows that she only relaxes around imperfect people and objects, so tries to surround herself with them.
Saki herself is no stranger to imperfection. She understands now that she was struck by sins when she first fell to Earth. Doesn't mean she has put forth a ton of effort to correct them. Saki does have expensive tastes. She does like to buy fancy cosmetics and look her best, as she also likes fancy style. Saki relaxes around imperfection, but she can't seem to curve her greed either. She is still a stranger to sins and indulges a bit too much, because she enjoys the momentary rush and satisfaction.
Likewise, Saki is no stranger to sins like wrath. Anger is by far the hardest feeling for Saki to control. She tries very hard, but as an emotionless princess she hasn't had many chances to train empathy. So when Saki's temper flares, it is very hard to calm her. In the heat of the moment, Saki doesn't think about other peoples' feelings or reasons: She is too consumed by her own.
Being accidentally insensitive is another flaw of hers. Saki is still learning. Sometimes, she will say something rude of distasteful without realizing it. If no one takes the time to correct it, Saki will continue to make the same social mistakes over and over again. She is called the Ice Princess at school precisely because she is accidentally cold and hurtful to others. Though it may often be very clear that Saki has no cruel intentions, that does not stop her from being painfully cruel.
Fortunately, this is something Saki is vaguely aware of. If it is brought to her attention, she will make an effort to correct the behavior. In fact, Saki is always looking to correct herself. She gets oddly excited when people critique her and give her a chance to improve herself. And though it may take her two or three, maybe more, times to correct a behavior, she does almost always succeed.
A part of Saki has accepted that she will never go back to the Moon... But she still holds hope of going home. Saki's most dangerous flaw to herself is an aloof ability to ignore things. She ignores her emotions by smiling, and she ignores her grief about the moon by trying to be a perfect human. Saki has a hard time letting things go. She can be very stubborn. After all... being wrong means being imperfect. She is okay with being wrong if she can improve and get closer to perfect, but if she is wrong and has way to get better? Saki doesn't know what to do and will pretend those things don't exist.
Moon People are considered to be the origins of humans, though that fact is still debated among some. What if important to note is the undeniable relationship between them: Moon People are perfect human... If by perfect you mean 'hallow shells that can do no wrong, or right, or anything.' At Saki's core, her heart should not know happiness or unhappiness, hate or love, peace or war. Even to this day, she struggles with this fact: Her perfect Moon heart simply was not born with the capacity for emotion. It was born to be as empty as possible... and as perfect as possible.
This changed for Saki when she fell to Earth. Earth is filled with the sin of Emotion. On Earth, Saki was exposed not just to sins but to virtues. The potions she takes from Moon Rabbits are meant to soften the blow and dampen the emotional onslaught, making it something that she can deal with. Otherwise, Saki gets overwhelmed by her emotions and loses her head. She does not know how to deal with big emotions in a healthy manner, so guzzles her potions to wash them away.
But that coping mechanism has been taken from her. Part of Saki's imprisonment is meant to force her to learn to live her new life without help. Though this Saki has had two years to adjust, she still isn't perfectly ready to handle her own heart.
Which means two major things for Saki's personality: On one hand, she is still experimenting with who she is and who she wants to be. Her emotions somethings come as alien and fake as she navigates her fallen heart.
On the other hand, she has horrible emotional outbursts that she often cannot control. So Saki treads a line between being so controlled she comes off as artificial, and an out of control child on a tantrum.
Starting with her artificial side, Saki is motivated to be a perfect person. She still has not let got of this notion of going to the Moon again, even when adapting to her human heart basically shuts that door for her. She wants to be a good girl and gain approval. Saki is a hardworking girl who strives to be the best at everything she approaches. She wants to be 'perfect' like a Moon Person should be.
This drove Saki to run for student council in her first year and to push herself to excel at all her hobbies. Saki doesn't realize it consciously, but she tries to avoid things that she doesn't think she can do perfectly. If she fails, Saki obsesses and gets distressed until someone approves of her efforts. Her hope to someday go home is wasted, but still drives her to try.
One way that she thinks she is achieving perfection is by always smiling. You might think that someone who didn't have emotionless would default to deadpan, but Saki defaults to a sunny smile. Often, her smile is an authentic display of how much she enjoys living... But sometimes, it does seem inappropriate for a situation or simply come off as alien. Likewise, her smiles can express her anger or sadness just as easily as they display sadness. When Saki feels a strong feeling coming on, she will throw up her smile because she knows smiling = good. She does not want to display negative emotions.
Negative emotions stress Saki out... Well, they stress anyone out. But Saki especially. She knows that she has a record of exploding and being an emotional, and dangerous, mess. She is always looking for methods to manage her emotions, like the potions or meditation. That doesn't mean Saki has actually found a way to truly handle herself. Saki's only trusted tactic is to smile, because she's really good at that, until she can escape to somewhere safe.
Safe used to mean being alone, where she could not hurt anyone while she screamed or cried. In her new high school days, 'Safe' also meant being with her best friend Akane. Saki does see humans are her "emotional-senpais," but finds that shameful. Akane made the list because he knows all about her problems and has his own problems with his temper. Saki doesn't feel like she has to compete to be 'perfect' around him, making him a safe person to vent with.
Despite her obsession with being perfect herself, Saki is oddly attracted to imperfect things. If she really likes you, she is accidentally insulting you. Saki treasures a broken tea cup, for example, or a skirt that has a slight tear on it. Anything she perceives as perfect she also perceives as a challenge. It's exhausting. Whether she's trying to keep up with another person's 'perfect' kindness, or be worth the nice clothing she is wearing, Saki subconsciously competes. She knows that she only relaxes around imperfect people and objects, so tries to surround herself with them.
Saki herself is no stranger to imperfection. She understands now that she was struck by sins when she first fell to Earth. Doesn't mean she has put forth a ton of effort to correct them. Saki does have expensive tastes. She does like to buy fancy cosmetics and look her best, as she also likes fancy style. Saki relaxes around imperfection, but she can't seem to curve her greed either. She is still a stranger to sins and indulges a bit too much, because she enjoys the momentary rush and satisfaction.
Likewise, Saki is no stranger to sins like wrath. Anger is by far the hardest feeling for Saki to control. She tries very hard, but as an emotionless princess she hasn't had many chances to train empathy. So when Saki's temper flares, it is very hard to calm her. In the heat of the moment, Saki doesn't think about other peoples' feelings or reasons: She is too consumed by her own.
Being accidentally insensitive is another flaw of hers. Saki is still learning. Sometimes, she will say something rude of distasteful without realizing it. If no one takes the time to correct it, Saki will continue to make the same social mistakes over and over again. She is called the Ice Princess at school precisely because she is accidentally cold and hurtful to others. Though it may often be very clear that Saki has no cruel intentions, that does not stop her from being painfully cruel.
Fortunately, this is something Saki is vaguely aware of. If it is brought to her attention, she will make an effort to correct the behavior. In fact, Saki is always looking to correct herself. She gets oddly excited when people critique her and give her a chance to improve herself. And though it may take her two or three, maybe more, times to correct a behavior, she does almost always succeed.
A part of Saki has accepted that she will never go back to the Moon... But she still holds hope of going home. Saki's most dangerous flaw to herself is an aloof ability to ignore things. She ignores her emotions by smiling, and she ignores her grief about the moon by trying to be a perfect human. Saki has a hard time letting things go. She can be very stubborn. After all... being wrong means being imperfect. She is okay with being wrong if she can improve and get closer to perfect, but if she is wrong and has way to get better? Saki doesn't know what to do and will pretend those things don't exist.
